ตัวอย่างการตรวจ English Proofreading & Editing ชุดที่ 21

Original

Edited

Nation branding essentially helps a nation to further the nation’s economic growth by focusing on the nation’s identity and brand image.

Nation branding promotes economic growth by focusing on identity and image.

Because: 

Removed the repetition of ‘nation’ and the possessive from for clearer understanding

Original

Edited

Due to nowadays, the work environment has been changing, it means organizations have to adapt itself immediately. Thus, creation in public organization is needed and it come from the motivation which is an essential factor that can subsidize the public officers to drive their performance to reach their organizational goals.

Modern work environments have necessitated adaption and change by management who must recognize that motivation of public officers is essential to increase productivity and realize company targets.

Because: 

The original has mixed verb tenses, isverbose and reads poorly with the intended meaning confusing and unclear. Always begin a sentence with the important subject matter.

Original

Edited

According to the knowledges that gain from the learning process of research scholarship can help to critically evaluate the literatures, learn research design and methods design clearly and understand and overview the overall procedures to write the dissertation step by step completely.

Research design will comprise a critical literature evaluation, and detail the methods followed and conclusions drawn from the results.

Because: 

A sentence of 42 words is too long.  Start with the subject, followed by descriptions and explanations in an orderly manner.

‘Knowledge’ is always an uncountable noun.